You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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