why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
