I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just invented taco cereal.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
