Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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