if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
