I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
