I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
