everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
