Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
