just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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