I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
