my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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