My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm really busy with my period
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
