All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
