Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Two words: blizzard sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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