I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
