Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone signed my nipple.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
