His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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