They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
