you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
