Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
