I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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