true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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