Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sober January is a disaster.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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