You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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