I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
4 words: hood of his car
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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