I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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