Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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