The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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