I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
