I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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