Already got asked if we're dating
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
