Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
