Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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