YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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