Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
