Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
