he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
