My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
