Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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