i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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