shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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