Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
