Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize