We're like a lot better than the average bears
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
