Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
