All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pants are for mortals
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
