batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
