he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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