so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
