Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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