my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
