I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
