smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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