so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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