I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
