you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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