p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
