I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
