Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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