I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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