I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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