ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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