she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I look better un-naked...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
