What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
