Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
