i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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