Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
