this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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