I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
