I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
