VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
