How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
