Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
