I heard we made out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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