I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
