Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
