I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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