I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
