Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
