just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
