Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize