im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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