Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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