you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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